Let’s get this right, there is nothing wrong in giving to others, but the reason it all goes pear-shaped for the giver lies in the intent behind the giving.
Most of us have been taught from very little to be kind and courteous and share with others, and the intention behind this is good (the intent). Still, what gets lost along the way as we grow up, we realise that we usually get rewarded either by someone saying thank you or maybe even getting us something in return when we give.
So over the years, this becomes the norm. We learn to give to get, and the intent behind the giving becomes about getting rather than just giving we expect.
You might be thinking, hang on a min I don’t give to get I give, and I don’t expect anything, but this is where you need to reach inside and think about your intent when you are ‘giving to someone’ or when you have ‘given’ in the past. Maybe time, money, or physical stuff.
For example, you might hold a door open for someone, and they walk right through the door, and I know what you are thinking straight away, that you expect they say thank you.
Now, this is where the intent comes in because, if you are not giving to get, you would not expect a thing, you would not feel owed in any way if you did not receive a Thank you back, and you would not be livid that the selfish bastard didn’t say thank you and how dare they treat you that way. You would have just done it regardless of what the other person did or announced period.
Thinking that you deserve the respect that you have done a beautiful thing and want to be rewarded for it just like you were taught growing up, this is where it all gets skewered. We have all thought of giving to get rather than just give without expectations is reasonable.
Now your thinking, well, this is a load of bollocks, but is it or is it just hitting a little nerve inside.
Ask your self how many times you have given to get in your life. Think of the time you have felt hard done by or disgruntled, used or taken advantage of by a partner friend or college after doing something for them ‘out of the kindness of your heart ‘ without expecting something back.’
Ask your self how many times you have given to get in your life.
Well, I’ll break it to you- if you have felt anger, resentment, rage disgust, shock, etc. to name a few, you were always giving to get in these moments!
You intended to get ‘something’ in return. It may not have been a physical object. Still, you wanted something or expected something in return for your giving, and usually that something is LOVE, VALIDATION, or maybe RESPECT or APPRECIATION! Dig deep and be honest with your self.
HOW OFTEN DO YOU GIVE TO GET? WHAT IS YOUR INTENT WHEN YOU GIVE TO OTHERS, this can be your time, money or physical gifts, etc
Now that you are aware next time you GIVE, you can be mindful of your intent, and if you do go ahead with giving, do it with no expectations and see what happens.
I know you are still thinking, wow, I’m going to have the royal piss taken out of me now I’m going to be a bloody mug. Umm! Ok, well, that may happen. Some people may well think that about you, but the whole point, which is another blog, is that we cannot control another. We can manipulate them by trying to get them to behave in a way we want, and this includes niceness to respect us for our generosity. Still, the bottom line is we cannot give to get, we have to offer from our heart genuinely with absolutely no expectations, or we do not give at all.
Remember, your intent when giving and ask,do you have expectations as if you do this is a pull on others the energy is fake, and we will never be happy when we give to get.
Find out more about learning to love yourself, because you cannot genuinely love others if you are not full of love for yourself; you will always feel the need to control.