Verbal abuse is insidious and causes mental anguish within. It is lie’s told to you or about you. Verbal abuse defines people, something no one has the right to do, define is, telling someone what they think, what they are, their motives, and so forth. Defining someone is the pinnacle of verbal abuse. Patricia Evans says if you realize you are in a verbally abusive relationship, whether you are the perpetrator or the target of verbal abuse, the best thing you can do is to source out everything you can about verbally abusive relationships and their dynamics.
Verbal abuse defines people, something no one has the right to do, define is, telling someone what they think, what they are, their motives, and so forth
In a verbally abusive relationship, one person is blaming, accusing, often name-calling, and the other is defending and explaining. The dynamics manifest into what can only be described as a shit storm. If ignored and both partners don’t attempt to get to the roots of the problem, then death to the soul is the only direction for all involved.
The target of verbal abuse is often, ignored, blamed or raged at, s/he may have so much difficulty recognizing what is going on in the relationship.
Most people that are the targets of verbal abuse naturally try to explain to the abuser that it is not ok to speak to them in that manner. They fruitlessly explain themselves because they believe the perpetrator is rational and can hear them and the relationship will then get better. This usually results in more verbal abuse, for instance, “You’re Full of SHIT.” At that point, they don’t usually realize that they have just been defined (told what they are), and, therefore, verbally abused again. This goes round and round in circles sometimes for decades at a time, and bad therapists can perpetuate things further.
I do not believe in Gynocentrism or the Duluth model, and I want to make it clear that anyone I recommend on my blog is not centred around women only as the victim. They are about equality, and believe in the balance of the masculine and feminine; this is what’s needed for us all to grow our true essence as unique individuals. Just because we could have said abusive things does not make us bad people, it does not define us. Patricia Evans is where I learnt about the truth about verbal abuse. Patricia is an internationally recognized Interpersonal Communications Specialist and author of the first book about Verbal Abuse. Drawing upon the research of more than 30,000 cases of verbally abusive relationships, she speaks and conducts workshops throughout the USA. Patricia is the founder of the Evans Interpersonal Communications Institute, now, EICI, Inc., where she offers workshops and training programs, Patricia Evans single-handedly brought the subject of verbal abuse to the forefront of American consciousness, and I want to spread it over to the UK, and everywhere I can reach.
I also take a lot of my information equally from Beverly Engel. Beverly an internationally recognized psychotherapist and an acclaimed advocate for victims of sexual, physical, and emotional abuse. The author of 22 self-help books, her latest book is entitled, It Wasn’t Your Fault: Freeing Yourself from the Shame of Childhood Abuse with the Power of Self-Compassion. Engel is a licensed marriage and family therapist and has been practising psychotherapy for 35 years.
These two ladies explain the importance of understanding the history of each individual. They cannot stress enough about the importance of choosing a therapist who is knowledgeable about the control dynamics of relationships with a therapeutic stance on therapy.
I believe that we should all be taught about verbal abuse as children; it is the most dismissed and minimized type of abuse and is so destructive to the very soul of men women and children. Change is essential for the essence of each individual to ensure we do not die if not physically but spiritually and lose ourself forever.
it is the most dismissed and minimized type of abuse and is so destructive to the very soul of men women and children
Verbal abuse destroys minds, and it destroys society.
Verbal abuse is an assault against freedom.
Change is essential
People try to say that how can someone’s freedom be lost if they have not been hit.
But either overt or covert verbal abuse is as damaging as physical violence because it opposes human consciousness its self, for instance, if someone counters everything their partner says and then tells them there is something wrong with them when they are asked to stop, this is soul-destroying, verbal abusers often say they didn’t say what they said to their partner, or it wasn’t that bad, (rewriting history) this defining your partner and making them second guess their perceptions eventually creates a loss of self and becomes exhausting. Your immune becomes compromised, and this often results in the person getting sick worn out, and each time this occurs, they experience emotional pain over and over. Each time the verbal abuser cannot see or hear them. At some more profound level, the reality hits that there is no relationship for a minute. They then all of a sudden are open again hours later or sometimes days asking something familiar like is dinner ready? How are you? So the relationship that is between two living beings is reconstituted. Still, later on, they also define you, once again you are unseen and unheard, so the relationship is open then ended then open then ended and then open then again ended, this is an ongoing assault to the psyche it is a rollercoaster it is stressful. The stirring emotional pain and anguish begin to be the very thing you fear. Soon the fear is as if been tortured.
You then start thinking if I say or do things differently then maybe it won’t happen. Still, when you realize you cannot make it stop because we don’t have any control over how others treat us. Often the partner is unaware we again feel overwhelmed and helpless by fear, after been abused in this way for many years usually starting in early childhood by caregivers than by partners so-called friends and colleagues there are valid reasons why you don’t just up and leave because you often believe the lies and blame yourself its all your fault, this insidious cycle is where you can lose your mind with your very consciousness assaulted by the verbal blows, no one wins, in the end, everyone loses, the individuals the family and the whole of society even the world, this is why change is essential.
Where ever the feminine is most oppressed evil reins
The less the balance with masculine and feminine within us all, meaning women and men accepted as equal value and equal and deserving as individuals with equal rights to be themselves there are death extremism wars chaos and terrorism.
Change is a must; we must stop the verbal abuse period all of us together
I recommend reading or listening to these books, if you are perplexed with what is going on in your life, look at your relationships look within and be kind to yourself.