Toxic people mess with your head so much. It can be soul-destroying been around these types. That’s why you need to arm yourself with information and their tactics, so you can spot the patterns and run for your life the minute they start with their drama.
The First Game, The Toxic Person Plays, Is Love Bombing
You have probably heard of love bombing before, love bombing is when they tell you what you want to hear, they identify what you’re looking for to start feeling happy, safe, and whole. So, maybe it compliments, perhaps you feel like you’ve never been seen and heard correctly, and somebody didn’t give you enough compliments. They’ll work that out very quickly, and they do. So they could be showering you with compliments and telling you how special you are and how you deserve to feel special.
They could do or say anything that they know you want to hear. A love bomb could be something that’s been missing in your life or something that’s hurt you and they will pretend they’ll purport that they’re going to be the supplier of the thing that’s missing or the saviour of the thing that’s hurt you.
And you may feel like a man or a woman in a desert, and you’ve just found your oasis. This is what you’ve been looking for on a friendship level, on a business level, on a love level, all sorts of ways they work out how to slot in.
The Second Mind Game The Toxic Partners Love To Play Is Gaslighting
The second mind game that a Toxic person loves to play is gaslighting. So what happens is once you’re in a relationship with them, then they start screwing with your Mind.
This is where you’re going to start questioning yourself because they’re going to tell you your perception is wrong and the reasons why you’re wrong and they are right.
Toxic people can tell whopping big lies so they can make up all sorts of realities that aren’t even realities, and because you’re a good person. You see the good in others you think that people can’t look you straight in the eyes when they are lying to you, it’s insidious to do to someone you care for, you don’t know what’s going on, and they’re going to tell you that you’ve got it wrong – that your reality is false that you are wrong.
You start distrusting yourself, and this does not happen straight away; it chips away. There comes the point when you don’t know what to think, or what’s real, or what’s not true, and your centre gets knocked out – your intuition – you don’t know what you can trust what you can’t trust. Of course, the toxic person is going to tell you that their reality is what exists, and that you’ve got to trust them because they’re going to grandstand to you that they’re right anyway until you do. And it messes with your head so much, and they go on and on.
The Third Mind Game The Toxic Person Plays Is Blame-Shifting
The number three mind game is blame-shifting. So this is the toxic person playbook – it accuses you and degrades you with everything that THEY’RE doing complete projection.
They’re going to tell you that you’re not to be trusted, that you’re the unloving, uncaring one, that you’re the one that wants attention, that you’re the insecure one, that you’re the one that lies, and what adds injury to insult here is that they’re going to convince people in your circles, which could be your family, your friends, their family and their friends your associates, that you’re doing these things. You’re the one to blame; you’re the one that’s not well, you’re the one that’s this, that and the other.
That’s most likely going to cause other people to distrust you as well because they’re like you, they can’t fathom that a grown adult will look you straight in the eyes and tell you whopping big fibs or extreme exaggerations for seemingly no reason.
Toxic people are so skilled at it, and the thing is, anybody when they tell themselves the same reality, several times – it becomes their reality. The Toxic person believes their lies; they believe their perceptions of reality.
And then, of course, you’re going to try and defend yourself. When you try to defend yourself, and you’re already abused and traumatized, the more guilty you look, and by this point, you may have said some things in retaliation to the mind games. They will use that with full force against you in the never-ending circle of toxic drama then, of course, blame you that’s why if you know the tactics you can jump ship before you get suckered into the games and name calling and circle fighting.
The Fourth Mind Game, The Toxic Person Will Play, Is Triangulation
The number four-way that a toxic person messes with you is triangulation.
This is so confusing, and it does mess with your head. The toxic person is going to keep you and certain people apart from each other, they don’t want you both talking and becoming friends and realising something isn’t right. And what they do is divide and conquer. So they’re going to smear you to that person, and that person is going to be smeared to you so that you distrust each other.
And that means that you can be pitted against each other at any given moment that suits the toxic person, but without both realizing who’s doing this. It’s another thing that’s deeply ingrained in the toxic person playbook – they know how to do this.
They know how to get other people at each other’s throats or distrusting each other or separated from each other, rather than looking at who’s causing the drama and the mayhem in their own and others lives. So toxic people will commonly use this in a workplace so that they can slide in and get the promotion, or they can get the accolades, or they can get other people doing their bidding for them and even do it between family members and their own children. It’s really sneaky and ultimately toxic.
They’re also really good at doing it in romantic interests. So you could be in a so-called committed relationship with a toxic person, they’ve got somebody on the side, or someone they pretend is in the background that they can run to at any min. This has a profound effect on the relationship its poison toxic and erodes trust this is not healthy at all.
The Fifth Mind Game, The Toxic Person Plays, Is Self-Esteem Reduction
Number five, self-esteem reduction. The toxic person bit by bit is going to convince you that you’re wrong, that you don’t have your power, that you are incapable and that you can’t think, exist, and survive on your own, and if it wasn’t for the toxic person, that you would not be able to perform, create, or have A, B, C, D, E, so they’re going to make you feel like you’re a victim, that you’re powerless. You’re dependent on them, and that you are such a horrid person, they will scold and belittle you by using your children against you and tell you that you are worthless. And you might even begin to believe it.
The toxic person could tell you things like, “Nobody’s ever going to love you as much as what I do.” So these are very unhealthy dependencies. And suppose the toxic person can render you emotionally and mentally dependent or physically financially reliant on them. In that case, you’re going to remain hooked, you don’t get the power to leave them, and the toxic person can keep controlling you. As your self-esteem plummets to an all time low.
The Sixth Mind Game, The Toxic Person, Loves To Play Is Triggering You
The number six way that the Toxic Person will mess with your head is triggering you on purpose.
When you try to confront the toxic person, they may throw a bomb in there, like a nasty malicious comment, a comment that’s so below the belt it’s insidious, or they’re going to infuriate you, trigger you with things like, “Oh, look at your body language,” or, “Look at how you’re behaving,” or, “I’m not going to speak to you till you calm down.” Oh, it’s infuriating, or you are drama or look at the state of you its always you you you.
It can make you lose your temper. It’s called bait and switch. I’m going to bait you, then I’m going to switch the blame onto you, and I’m going to tell you that you’re the one that’s out of order, you’re the angry one, you’re the one that’s insane, and that’s what they do. Nothing ever gets resolved because it becomes all about you.
The Seventh Mind Game, The Toxic Person Will Play, Is Using Your Past Against You
The number seven-way that a toxic person messes with your head is using your past against you.
The toxic person may tell you that it’s because of your past relationships and your issues or your childhood that, that’s why you have these issues, that’s why you don’t trust them, that’s why you’re paranoid, that’s why you struggle with communication, and the list goes on and on and on and on it will always be your fault somehow.
And I know I’m not telling you anything you haven’t heard because this is all a part of the toxic playbook and it can make you, of course, doubt yourself. And you may think, “Oh my God, maybe they’re right maybe it is me.”
Because the thing is, most people who get with toxic individuals are sincere, decent people and we take responsibility, and we feel guilty, and we go, “Okay, well, I do have a big part in this.” And you can take on so much of the blame and the confusion because you’re having your head messed with. These seven patterns play out over and over in a cycle of toxic abuse over and over until your soul starts to die.
The Eighth Mind Game, The Toxic Person Plays, Is Insisting Upon Therapy With You To Manipulate The Therapist and act like the trying one.
The number eight-way that a toxic person may mess with your head and this one’s horrible, maybe the toxic person will say to family and friends and you, “Okay, well, we need relationship counselling, we need therapy.” On the outside, people may think, “Well, that’s nice, and that’s good, they’re serious about doing something about this.” arnt they excellent thinking of how to save the relationship.
But if this is a toxic person your dealing with it isn’t a relationship problem its and individual problem, what they can do is manipulate the therapist and have the therapist then turn on you. They fake it in the sessions, and they don’t say what’s happening, So they get in there all calm and pleasant, and the right person and they’re going to charm the therapist to believe that they are the good one they are trying everything in their power to save this relationship. You’re the one with all of the problems, and the childhood past, and all of the reasons why the relationship’s not working, and what that grants them is an added ally to abuse you with if the therapist is unaware of the tactics of toxic people. Then they blame you again when they are doing nothing to change or take responsibility for what they are doing.
Now, not all toxic people do number eight, most of them do everything else, but I just wanted to put that one in because that can so mess with your head, it really can as it gives you hope that the cycle will end. Still, more often than not, it just prolongs it because they don’t do anything in the relationship to work on themselves actively they stay fixated in the first seven going round and round in circles and they get fixated that it is a relationship communication problem but its not.
This is eight of the prevalent ways that toxic people can screw with you, and of course, there are heaps more, but it just gives you an idea of what you may be up against, and it can validate you if this is what you have experienced in the past, or you’re still experiencing now.
Of course, toxic people drive you crazy, and the more you get in there, and you try to lecture and prescribe and justify and explain and get them to stop doing their games and try to make them play decently, it makes it worse you are trying to control the situation and the reality is you don’t ever have control over how other people choose to behave. They usually have a long pattern of this behaviour with past partners and friends colleges etc. its often nothing new and not likely to change.
It’s handing them the bullets to continue abusing you because a toxic person couldn’t care less about you arguing about two bugs going up the wall. They don’t care about the content or what you’re saying, it’s all just attention, and like a shark in blood infested water, it just powers them up, it feeds them to keep going at you, to take all their supressed past anger and pain out on you ,they don’t listen and don’t ever hear you because they don’t want to the bottom line is they like the drama. The more attention you give them, the more anger, upset, being distressed, it just excites them to go in harder they get nastier and nastier and blame and blame more and more they never ever take responsibility for what they are doing they always have an excuse and its usually that you made them do it say it etc
How do you get out of this? You have to detach.
You can’t create sanity with insanity, and you can’t create order within pathological disorder, they do not have the capacity, the resources, or the desire to play nicely.
So there’s only one option. Detach, pull away from the stove that keeps burning within you and frying your brain. Go within, heal and develop the relationship between you and you, that will need no validation from anybody else because it’s between you and Creation and Source. Then it’s reliable, and then it’s real. And then you don’t need anybody else to get it or play nice. You’ll detach, especially from somebody who is horrifically abusing you. That’s your power take it back.
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